Back to Writing

From 2000 to 2003, I wrote and kept on file three one act plays, one English poetry collection (15 poems), three short stories (one English, two Filipino), one full length Romance novel in Filipino, a collection of journalistic essays, and one short story for children. This happened because they were requirements for my creative writing classes and they were actually graded. In 2003, I also began a short biography which I finally finished this year! (Finished in the sense that finally I was able to submit it for review to my adviser, but of course, my work has actually just begun because I need to revise it, as per my adviser's "advice":)

In the interim years (2003-2008) my writing seemed to have taken a back seat, because I got busy in translation and editing (they pay my bills). But now, I don't have much time left, especially for the thesis. Going back to my thesis has again spurned a lot of writing. But I realized that I needed to go back to the basic writing exercises (I got my old notebook and resumed the ordinary journal entries since I could not write everything in a blog), get some inspiration and sit down and write regularly no matter what. This is a most difficult thing to do because at the end of the day, I am too exhausted working with words. After all, editing and translation is a "wordy" job, and if you've been on online translation, you'll realize how demanding the deadlines are.

I came to a point when I truly asked, what do I need an MA for. And the answer is simply that since I began it, I should finish it. However, going back to the thesis truly exposes me once more to the challenges of crafting with words, and I take this as one benefit of pursuing this MA, not for the degree itself but for the sheer pressure to write.

So as I go through my thesis one more time, I also go back to the manuscripts on file. It inspires me that I actually finished those pieces, and maybe, I should use them.

Meanwhile, I am slowly going back to the routine of writing, and hopefully, even as age is catching up with me, I would be able to somehow share some things to an audience. But this means that right now, I have to fight the sleepy sluggishness after a day's work, maybe learn some creative way of shifting gears then truly just sit down and write.

I don't know how I will fare in this renewed effort. They say that work should be fun. But writing as of now is not fun. It's work, work, work. But strangely, I can't abandon it. Maybe, I am cursed to write.

Madeline Llengle puts it this way, that simply, I have a gift, and I should serve the gift. I need to ponder more on this insight from her book Art and Faith, because right now, I desperately need affirmation, first from my innermost core, that this gift truly exists. So help me God.