"Missing Appointments"

Just two nights ago, I had a dream. Since I often have dreamless nights, I always jot down whatever dreams I have and I would always want to know what it could possibly mean.

I was in some place where a seminar is going on. I was supposed to be a participant in that seminar. But I realized that there were at least three events happening in that place. I wasn't really sure which particular seminar I was attending or if indeed I was a participant in any one of those three, or in all of them. Since I went to at least two rooms, one occupied by the valedictorian in my high school batch and the other by the translation secretary of the Philippine Bible society, I think that I was in some kind of hotel. One of my issues was where to sleep so in the dream, I was hoping that my former high school classmate would offer to share her room, but it was the PBS secretary who eventually hinted that I could sleep in her room.

I'm not sure what the seminar was all about but outside, waiting and maybe it was break time, I saw sitting, some of my other high school classmates. Most of these classmates were the organizers of our just concluded reunion, and they were just there.

In the meantime, my sister in law was also in the premises. She was playing something recreational in another room, and in order for me to go to where she was, I stepped out of the hotel and crossed a street.

My basic puzzle in my dream was that I was aware that the year was 2010, but that seminar happened in 2009, and I was attending or was present in the premises where a 2009 seminar was being held while the date was definitely 2010.

The high school classmate who wasn't willing to share her room told me that it was 2009. But I know it was 2010. The PBS secretary laughed and told me something I already forgot.

I walked around that hotel, looking for people to ask what the date was. I found somebody who said that indeed, it was 2010.

I forgot the other details of these dreams but the ones which stood out are the faces of my high-school classmates (all women), the face of the salutatorian, the face of the PBS translation secretary, the face of my sister-in-law, and at least a vision of some room in some hotel.

Interestingly, my sister-in-law, who, in real life, is a carefree, fun-loving woman, is outside the hotel and playing some games. Another detail is that when I followed her to where she was, I had to bring the foam or sofa I was sleeping in, and then left that thing on the side of the street before I crossed to the other side. I remember also that the person who answered that it was indeed 2010 was a totally nameless insignificant person, some cleaner in the lobby of the hotel.

I found in a dream dictionary, the following:
Many people live and die by their desk calendar these days. Ours is a time-conscious, time-driven culture. Most of us have more things to do on our schedules than we can comfortably manage. These pressures have created an environment where missing appointments and scheduled events is a constant threat.

I thought about whether I had missed something in the past and whether this lingers in my psyche. But I can think of nothing.

Dreams to this effect are common. One of the trigger events for these dreams is the nagging fear that we may not get everything done in the time given. Our anxiety about appearing competent to others is fragile and often assaulted in dreams.

True enough, I have been so busy. But not to the point that I fear that I won't get everything done in the time given. I think about my thesis but my thesis is finished by the time I had this dream.

Another interpretation of this dream is missing an opportunity. Life throws up so many possibilities that it's impossible to try everything. Each invitation comes with the promise that this event could change your life. The changes may include relationship or career rewards.

I think maybe that this is something closer to my present situation. There really are many possibilities and I pray that God will give me direction, vision, and goal. I wouldn't want to go ahead without the "pillar of cloud by day" and the "pillar of fire" by night. Right at this moment, I am thinking of a career shift, but this will depend entirely on whether God will open doors for me. In fact there are at least three doors: one that I'm already in but am not sure if I want to enter more deeply into it, another that offers itself very obviously, and it will alter my circumstances one hundred percent, and another, the ideal one - a career that only God can give and sustain.

A final scenario revolves around fulfilling the relationship obligations that already exist in your life. In this case, dreams of missed appointments may be reminding you of personal obligations that already exist. You may be missing appointments as a sign that you are not fulfilling the needs of your spouse, family, or employer.

My struggle in following either one of those doors I mentioned was that I want to be fully in the center of God's will, and I may miss the center if I just let the wind lead me to where it blows. But I am also thinking about my obligations as a daughter to my ageing mother. I am not sure how I may be missing the needs of the people I live with at home, but admittedly, there are many moments when I am with people I am supposed to love, but I am also isolated in the sense that I don't always let them touch me, nor do I really make a huge effort to become fully a part of their lives.

I am sure that in these final two senses, my dream is really symbolic. But later, I hope that there would be other dreams, more concretely symbolic of the actual things I should be pursuing during my midlife seasons.
February 8, 2010