True Confessions

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I have something to confess: I wrote very little in 2006 – very little poetry; only two poems (see www.pasyal.blog-city.com); not a single decent meditative essay and no children’s lesson (to finish the curriculum book assigned to me). Yes, I wrote, but I researched and wrote for my site –articles about translation and Tagalog, which took plenty of time. Even this blog suffered because, thanks to friends who blogged, I blogged every time I got envious that they were able to blog so regularly
Second confession: I read very little in 2006 – I re-read some of the books on my shelves and although I finished them the first time I read them, I didn’t finish them now because, well, by the time I was midway, I fully recalled the story. I can count the times I was able to visit the bookstores since I consciously avoided them, because, blame it on freelancing, I was always working – here at home, and when I wasn’t working, I was meeting with those who will give me work, and, until I had the money to buy books, which was always after I finished the job and I had to go to Manila to buy the books I wanted, I would be careful not to indulge in book browsing at any bookstore or book sale outlet.

Third confession: I stopped reading the newspapers and I have become a certified kapuso, having watched all the fantaseryes in channel 7 (I kept telling myself, maybe I should write a fantaserye myself – who knows)

So in 2007 you can guess what my main resolutions are.

But I also have many things to thank God for in 2006: One, I don’t have a regular job, but I do have regular bills, and I was always on time in meeting my obligations and I was even able to save a little. What an amazing grace!

Two, I have completely adjusted to the provincial lifestyle – now I really want to go home right after a one day (usually Friday) work in Manila. I like walking on our streets, and I can’t identify with those who ride jeepneys to and from destinations within the poblacion. Except the queuing at the banks during bill payments, I now welcome errands because they force me to extract myself from the computer. And I have been learning the art of haggling at the wet market.

I like both the noise and quiet of our house. I appreciate my mother’s patience with me, her tolerance of her own physical pain, her complete abhorrence of any type of wastage, even her occasional outbursts: because she’s here, alive and not losing hope in spite of the progression of her sickness. We banter a lot but that’s because she has not stopped being busy about things – dusting, sewing, organizing – and I wanted her to rest. Yet on second thought I am happy that she is still the way she was, however slower, and even as she does everything wrapped in elastic brace from her hips to her diaphragm. I am being stretched as a human being while living with her and I pray that by God’s grace I will emerge a better person after this.

Three, I am grateful and privileged to meet and work with a new set of “soldiers for Christ,” those laboring at the Philippine Bible Society and Voice International, they who consistently gave me commissions which helped me appreciate how precious the crafting of words are in God’s overall design in spreading His message of love and hope. I am getting assurance that this is my personal ministry, laboring over words as I edit, write, translate, revise, texts that will directly say how much God wants to gather all men, women and children under his huge, loving, protective wings.

Fourth, I have grown to appreciate the Sundays I spend in my local church, because I have found new fellowships and am beginning to pray about a specific area of service there. I am thankful that the pastor in my home church has grown as a preacher and has improved a lot in the way he presents Christian themes during Sunday Worship.

Fifth, I cherish all the times I have spent with my siblings, and my nephews and nieces, and am glad that at this growth point in their lives, knowing their particular needs, I can intelligently pray for each one of them by name.

Sixth, even though I am not kind, not tolerant, not self-controlled, not courageous, not disciplined, not gracious and not generous, I know these very well now, and by God’s grace, I hope I will be kinder, more tolerant, more self-controlled, braver, more disciplined, more gracious and more generous – who knows, I might actually become a better saint (two halos? Smile) in 2007.

And seventh, I know I have done a full year, only by God’s help.

So, I can only ask Him for more help this year.

2 Tim 2:3-7"Endure hardship with us like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No one serving as a soldier gets involved in civilian affairs -- he wants to please his commanding officer. Similarly, if anyone competes as an athlete, he does not receive the victor's crown unless he competes according to the rules. The hardworking farmer should be the first to receive a share of the crops. Reflect on what I am saying, for the Lord will give you insight into all this."