Last Quarter Wail

September and I'm at tail's end of at least five projects. Can't complain at all about this year's provisions from the Almighty, but I wish I were faster. Why is it so difficult to meet deadlines? Partly, it's the heat. Partly, it's my health. Partly it's domestic glitches, but mostly it's boredom.

I read about friends going here and there, on writing grants, M.A. scholarships, year sabbaticals, long-term missions... and the world goes... and I'm here in my room... talking... to the internet.

Yesterday, I saw a friend from college at the bank. After two sentences of small talk, we were both quiet. There was nothing to talk about, the good old days were just to far off, and when she left, she did not even say goodbye. Maybe she forgot to say goodbye, maybe, like me, she was embarrassed at this huge gap we have when we used to be so close.

The thing I dread most these past week is the computer. I've been going to the library for at least three weeks now, just reading anything and basking at the coldness. It's my perfect escape. I watched Bourne Identity part III twice and enjoyed it both times. I went to Solarium and spent a total of a day praying.

I fixed my house in Cavite, installed new bathroom tiles, cabinets, pipes. I have all these plans of spending week-ends there, write, draw, or sleep. But I see these tricycles lined up right in front of my gate. There are no provincial settings anymore, everywhere, it's an urban jungle. Then I pray, Lord, I want a house with a view.

Got to "dispense with" this restlessness somehow. Got to be in the center of His will.

Down on my knees now.

James 4:13-17 "Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins."